Title: “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment”
Author: Steve Harvey
Author of the Summary and Review: Sabrina Mahar
Page Count: 240
Published: 2009
Rating: 3.5
Genre: Nonfiction, Self-help, Relationship, Psychology
“Stop heaping your own definition of love on men and recognize that men love differently.” Steve Harvey
Introduction:
Act like a lady, think like a man is a self-help book of relationship advice for women. The entire book revolves around what men want and how to understand men. Steve Harvey is an American comedian, radio host, and television host. The book has 3 sections with 15 chapters in the book. He has shared dating and relationship advice for women. How to know that he is the one and how to make a relationship last longer and stronger. How to bond with men and their families. Steve Harvey has guided on dating, relationship, and marriage.
He also tells about how we as a society and as a family have set the mindset and behavior of men in childhood and teenage years. How he is always considered to be the head of the family and to look after his family. Harvey says that women do not know about men like what they want or their needs. From Harvey’s point of view, men are simple human beings, they only want simple and straightforward things. Therefore, women need to declutter their thoughts towards men and provide them with the needs and the behavior that they actually deserve.
Women sometimes live in a toxic or unhappy relationship because they don’t talk things out with men. To the point conversations and real talk with men about how you want your relationship can help resolve many issues in relationships and with men. He says that women think that men will naturally be able to understand what they want and how they are feeling. But, confronting each other and talking about how you are feeling, thinking, and wanting from others is beneficial for both parties to make things work out between them. You can find many relationship guides and advice for women about how to start a relationship, walk out of a relationship, and make things better in a relationship.
Main points of the book:
1- Women need to change their thinking and behavior towards men in a relationship
2- Real men extend themselves to women they care about
3- A man who is worthy of you will be there for you no matter what bad circumstance comes along
4- Men are the head and providers of the family
5- Men are very simple creatures whereas women are complicated creatures
Summary:
This relationship self-help book focuses more on the actions and behaviors of women, rather than men. The entire book has focused on how women should behave and act to make a man happy and make a relationship stronger. The book starts with what men need and what they think. A man’s love isn’t like a woman’s love. Women want men to show continuously how much they love them like frequent phone calls, texts, and dinner dates. Harvey says that a man’s love is different, much more simple and direct. To know if a man loves you he will do three simple things for you, that is: Profess. He will claim you in front of everybody. Like he will give you the Title “This is my woman/lady” If he gives you a title, then he has genuine feelings for you. If a man is serious for you, then he will surely claim you. The title will let women know that he is serious about you and sees himself in a long-term, committed relationship with you.
The second thing that will prove that a man loves you is: Provide. The very core of manhood is to be the Provider. A man will provide you with all the monetary things you need, from groceries to paying bills. He will put himself far below the responsibility only to provide for his family. Even if he is broke, he will make sure to do everything within his power to make up for you by supplying your needs in other tangible ways.
The third thing is to Protect: A True/Real man will protect you from every calamity, problem, or disrespect. Protecting women isn’t just about using physical force against someone. A man who truly cares about or loves you will always protect you in other ways, whether it be with advice, or performing a task.
Harvey shares that men only need three things from women and relationships, which are support, loyalty, and the cookie. He further shares how we can distinguish between the marrying types and playthings. His philosophy is that men will treat women as one of these two things: a Sports fish or a Keeper. A sports fish woman doesn’t have any rules, requirements, respect for herself, or guidelines. She is clueless about how to approach men. She has no plans for any ongoing relationships and is not expecting anything in particular from a man.
Whereas, a keeper woman understands her power. She knows her power from the start of a relationship. She knows that she wants a serious relationship with her man, and therefore, will get straight with him. She is smart and demands respect for herself.
He further shares the example of mama’s boy. He shares a letter from his popular segment called “Strawberry Letter 23”, in which a woman was distressed about her husband being Mama’s boy. He would go any time of the day or night to accompany his mother. The controlling behavior of his mother was driving her crazy. A woman should set rules, standards, and requirements for a man in a relationship. Men cannot read minds, and they are incapable of anticipating what women want. So, women have to speak up to better their relationship.
He explains why men cheat. He says women change, and they don’t appreciate men like they used to. A lot of arguing going on between them, and when the man misses the spark that used to be there in their relationship, that’s when they cheat on women.
He shares the 90-day rule for women to figure out men whether or not he’s good enough for you. And how to get the respect you deserve. Women must first figure out what exactly their requirements are in a relationship and in men. He has listed 10 questions to ask oneself when dating or in a relationship, to make sure that women know what they want and expect from a relationship and man.
Conclusion:
This book is an easy read but has a narrow-minded perspective. Harvey suggests that women need to change their thinking and behavior towards men to make a relationship better or start a relationship, as men are simple creatures and Women complicate things. Women should lower their expectations from men. I didn’t agree with everything he has said. He thinks that even if a man cheats, it is all women’s fault. He does not blame men for cheating. As relationships form and work out because of both the man and woman. Both parties are equally responsible to improve their behavior and make a happier bond and relationship between them. But, Harvey has pointed out that only women need to change their minds and actions. Men are always right in their way, and they need not be changed.
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